MATCH REPORT
ARSENAL vs AS ROMA
0 - 1
Attendance : TBA

Arsenal lost by a solitary goal in this tight, taut, game against Italian champions AS Roma, but came away with some healthy indications of the season to come.

A goal in the final seconds of the first half by Vincenzo Montella gave victory to the Italians, but the Gunners were far from outplayed for much of the game.

Freddie Ljungberg almost put Arsenal ahead after just over five minutes when released by a lovely short pass from Patrick Vieira. But the onrushing Swede put his shot across the face of the goal and wide of the right-hand post.

Thierry Henry fired in a cracking shot just over a minute later, which came from the left of the box and through Roma's defence only to be well saved by young 'keeper Ivan Pelizolli.

Roma soon grew into the game with dangerman Francesco Totti, a thorn in the Gunners' side until his substitution at half time, having the first shot at goal. David Seaman shepherded the ball wide, however.

Argentinian superstar Gabriel Batistuta was the next to have a go, with his shot straight into Seaman's arms, then Tomassi capitalised on a nice passing build-up but fired his shot over the bar.

Roma were running the game for long spells in the first half, but Giovanni van Bronckhorst showed off his cracking left foot with a free kick which Pelizolli managed to keep out with a great reaction save.

The Italians were next with a chance on the half hour when a super-fast break saw Totti outpace Sol Campbell, only for Seaman to get a fingertip to the ball and push it wide. Within seconds Roma were on the attack again, with Montella getting onto the end of a cross but managing to head the ball onto the crossbar.

Sol Campbell almost headed the ball in and Ljungberg put a shot wide, but it seemed as if the half would end goal-less.

But with almost the last kick of the half Batistuta chipped the ball over the advancing Seaman and watched it bounce towards goal. Tony Adams charged back to hook the ball away on the line, but it only went as far as Montella who poked it home to give Roma the lead.

A spate of substitutions at half time and Arsenal entered the second half as the stronger team. Lauren, impressive in the rightback position, forced a save from Pelizolli with a long range effort and Ljungberg, busy throughout, also made the U21 goalkeeper work for his money with a quick turn and shot.

But there were few shots on target from either team for the rest of the game as both defences showed how solid they could be.

Ashley Cole had Arsenal's best effort of the half with eight minutes to go when he latched onto the end of a corner and headed it goalwards, but once again Pelizolli managed an excellent save.

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JOKES
Little Mary was in class as usual in her London school, when the teacher announced "who in this room is a Spurs fan?" everyone raises their hands but Mary. The teacher then says " who in this class hates Arsenal?" once again everyone but Mary raises their hand. The teacher quite p*ssed off walks over and says quite calmly to Mary despite her rage "don't you like Spurs little Mary?"
Mary replies "nope", the teacher then asks "well who do you follow then?". "Arsenal!" Mary replies, The teacher fuming asks "why do you follow Arsenal Mary?". "well" Mary said, My father is an Arsenal fan, my mother is an Arsenal fan and my brother is an Arsenal fan".

The teacher then added "you know you don't always have to do what your family does Mary", "see what if" the teacher went on, "your dad was an arsehole your mum was an arsehole and your brother was an arsehole, what would you be then?

Then Mary said "well I'd be a Spurs fan"!!!

*****

2 Spurs fans are walking through a dessert when one turns to the other and says "I see Spurs lost today"

to which the other replies "we are in the middle of a dessert thousands of miles away from anywhere, we haven't seen or heard from anyone or anything for days, how can you say Spurs have lost again ?"

to which the first replies "well its 5 o clock and its a Saturday isn't it" !!!!

*****

A Spurs' fan dies at White Hart Lane on match day and finds himself at the Pearly Gates. Imagine his shock when St. Peter appears in an Arsenal shirt, sneering (in a saintly fashion) at the poor dead fan's Spurs' shirt.

"Sorry - no Spurs fans in heaven," says St. Peter. "Its the other place for you!"

"Please, please St. Peter," pleads the Scum fan. "Don't send me there - despite supporting a shite football team on earth I have actually been a good and kind-hearted man."

"Oh yeah?" says St. Peter "What have you done that's so great?"

Stammering and stuttering the Spurs' fan says "W...W...Well a year ago I donated a tenner to help the refugees in Kosovo."

St. Peter stares at him impassively.

Still spluttering the Spurs fan says "And and..six months ago I gave ten quid to Oxfam to feed the starving children in Africa"

Still St. Peter stares at him.

Panicked and sweating the Spurs fan blurts out "And just last week I gave ten pounds for the earthquake victims in Turkey. Please let me in!!!"

St. Peter seems moved by the impassioned pleas and says "Hold on - let me go and talk with the Guvnor - wait here."

Ten minutes later St. Peter reappears, hands three crisp notes to the Spurs fan and says "I've talked with the boss and we agree. Here's your thirty quid back now f**k off to Hell!"

*****

Arsenal are about to play Spurs and Bergkamp told the rest of the Arsenal team to take the afternoon off as he will take them on on his own. The Arsenal boys thanked him and went off to the pub.

Ray Parlour bought the first round beers for everyone, orange juice for Tony Adams and they switched on teletext to follow progress. 26th minute 1-0 to Arsenal, scorer Bergkamp. Second half starts, Tony's on his 14th orange juice) and teletext comes up with 91st minute, 1-1, scorer Ginola. The game ended 1-1.

When Bergkamp got back to the pub the boys asked him how he could only manage a draw against the Spurs and he replied "Sorry lads, I got sent off in the 46th minute".